I'm Conducting an Experiment

You probably don't know this, but for over a year (or a little under a year, I haven't done the math), I've been keeping a journal.

Every morning, and often several more times during the day, I dump words onto the page with no literary ambition whatsoever. My goal: to figure out what state I'm in. To untangle the anxieties hanging over me. To "describe the obstacle," as I often put it: instead of staying stuck or putting things off, I try to describe what's blocking me in the flattest, most detached terms I can. And often, that gets me unstuck.

Now, when I reread my journal – which isn't often – I find it's... how can I put this... not unpleasant to read. In any case, less awful than you'd imagine. Less rambling and less painfully personal than you'd think. It's... readable. Sometimes even, to my great surprise, fairly interesting. With realizations, ideas, and as much humor as in what I write for other people.

I tell myself everything should be this easy.

All the more so since I recently read this post about writing 1,000 words a day. A challenge the author set himself, which had a huge impact on his life, personal and professional alike. And there I was thinking, "But... I already do that!!!" Except I don't publish it, obviously.

And today I'm thinking: fuck it. It's probably a good exercise.

First, there's that idea of learning in public ("working with the garage door open," as they say in the United States): not waiting until the product is finished or the learning is complete to share what you're doing. Otherwise, you never share anything. Austin Kleon talks about it a lot in Show Your Work.

Second, it makes what I write more immediate, more intimate, and more personal. Because, you see, the reason I never run out of things to say in my journal is that I'm writing to explore concrete problems involving my favorite character: me. Everything is serious, everything is urgent, since these are the problems I'm trying to solve right now. I can't find the same energy and flow on a subject that doesn't feel as pressing to me, however interesting it may be in itself. And I think that urgency is somewhat contagious.

Finally, it's the same approach I took with the improvised videos last year. Remember? A ten-minute video every day, come rain or shine. The goal was to shed the weight of technique and be more spontaneous. It's a similar spontaneity I'd like to reach in my writing.

So I wrote this post start to finish in about ten minutes, without correcting, without rereading, without overthinking it. I'll do one editing pass – just one – to remove a few repetitions and a swear word or two. And that's it.

I'm not saying it's amazing. But it's there.

UPDATE: OK, I did two editing passes. That's progress, still.