On Maternity

We're too quick to forget the people who make our lives easier.

We spend too long thinking about the ones who cause us problems.

Those who smooth the path, give us a leg up at the right moment, quietly help when we need it most – they tend to fade behind the others: the ones who create drama, complicate things, pose a threat. A problem solved, they say, is one less thing to think about. By the same token, the helping hand is easily forgotten along with the problem it solves, while the devil lives on in the complications he creates.

The brain fades away in favor of the world, Alan Watts said. If I can hear the sound of the river and see the sunlight, it's because I'm not constantly fixated on the existence of my nervous system and the activity of my neurons. The machine disappears behind the experience.

In many respects, maternal instinct works the same way. By quietly providing for vital needs, the mother lets the child focus on the world rather than on hunger, thirst, or fear. She herself can't stay the center of attention for too long, at the risk of creating an attachment that hinders awakening. Her role is to fade behind everything else.