We all know perfection doesn't exist.
And yet, without realizing it, we let it poison our daily lives.
Take criticism, for example.
"Constructive criticism" is when you point out to someone something they're doing wrong.
So they can improve, you see.
And the idea is this: once they've fixed that, they'll be better off. Their life will be more pleasant. Their house will be cleaner. Their work will be more successful.
And once they're done, we can point to the next flaw.
That way, little by little, thanks to us, this person will reach perfection.
Aren't we kind!
Two things bother me about this idea.
First, actions aren't usually independent.
You can't transform one part of life without affecting the rest. It's all connected.
The way someone handles one thing "badly" sometimes comes from the same source as another behavior people love.
They want the good without the bad.
I love that you're so strong but I wish you'd spend less time at the gym.
It's great that you're creative but it would be nice if you were more organized.
I love that you're alive but could you breathe more quietly and stop getting sick?
Second, why do we point out other people's flaws?
Out of kindness? Altruism? To make the world a better place?
At best, it's for our own comfort.
The noise bothers us. We don't like the mess. We find the conversation unpleasant or awkward. We'd prefer things to be different.
But often, it's a matter of control.
We want to bring back into line those who don't do as we do.
We need everyone to subscribe to the worldview we've chosen. Otherwise, it means others exist and we might have been wrong.
We make great sacrifices, and we can't stand to see others flaunt their carelessness without having made the same ones.
We've set up a very strict framework to regulate how others are allowed to be different. Some deviations are permitted, provided certain conditions are met.
But we don't do this for ourselves, of course.
We do it to help.
Because we love you.