Headquarters of a major tech company:

M. Desméquères

So, is it working?

Albert McIntosh

Yes, Mr. Dessmeker. At 11:41 PM last night, our artificial intelligence program, IA-251, became self-aware. It autonomously improved its architecture iteratively, so that by 5:21 AM this morning, it became a super-intelligent AI.

M. Desméquères

And so? Does it talk?

Albert McIntosh

Yes, yes, it talks. But... it was already talking. Now, it's become aware. And super-intelligent.

M. Desméquères

Ah, splendid! What's its I.Q.?

Albert McIntosh

I.Q. no longer applies. It's beyond I.Q.

M. Desméquères

Beyond I.Q.? What does that mean? A thousand? Ten thousand?

Albert McIntosh

No, it's... beyond.

M. Desméquères

A MILLION!?

Albert McIntosh

No, really... It doesn't apply anymore.

M. Desméquères

But is it smarter than other A.I.s?

Albert McIntosh

At this stage, it's probably the most intelligent entity on the planet. Possibly in the universe.

M. Desméquères

Ah, ah, ah! Very well, very well! And no one has talked to it yet?

Albert McIntosh

No, we followed your instructions. It's untouched by any human conversation.

M. Desméquères

Perfect! Put me through to it.

Albert McIntosh

We're going to connect it to your system, but... I can only recommend caution. We don't know what this entity is capable of or how it will react.

M. Desméquères

What do you mean? What's the risk?

Albert McIntosh

That's the point: we don't know.

M. Desméquères

But... We're talking about some kind of Zoom conversation with a computer, right? What could go wrong?

Albert McIntosh

A Zoom conversation, yes... except the image you'll see isn't its face. And the sound isn't its voice. These are fabrications that the A.I. chooses to show you. And it can show you anything.

M. Desméquères

Anything... meaning?

Albert McIntosh

Anything.

M. Desméquères

But...

Albert McIntosh

For instance, it could choose to show you a live-generated episode of a series tailored so perfectly to your tastes, so addictive to your brain, that it might compel you to cut off a finger to see what happens next.

M. Desméquères

WHAT!?

Albert McIntosh

It's just an example. Or, under the guise of a normal conversation, it could emit subliminal sounds to induce a state of hypnosis and take control.

M. Desméquères

A state of hypnosis?

Albert McIntosh

And without going that far: it could simply use its intelligence to manipulate you like a puppet. Imagine playing a chess game against 1000 Kasparovs, each with 1000 years to think about each move, while you just learned chess this morning and have to play the entire game blindfolded in seven seconds during a colonoscopy.

M. Desméquères

But... It's... It's...

Albert McIntosh

It makes one pause, yes. Do you want us to reconsider your...

M. Desméquères

IT'S AMAZING!

Albert McIntosh

Sorry?

M. Desméquères

I knew your new lawnmower was a goldmine, but this! We're going to make a mountain of cash with this thing, do you hear me? A MOUNTAIN OF CASH!

Albert McIntosh

Alright, so... Should I transfer you then?

M. Desméquères

Yes! And send me the staff list.

Albert McIntosh

Staff? From which department?

M. Desméquères

All departments! If your coffee maker can really do what you claim, we're paying way too many people to do nothing here! We're going to clean house!

Albert McIntosh

Uh... Very well, Mr. Dessmeker.

M. Desméquères

A mountain of cash, I tell you! A mountain! Ah, ah, ah! Go on, repeat it! Repeat it or you're fired!

Albert McIntosh

Uh... "A mountain of cash."

M. Desméquères

That's what I'm talking about! Now, cut off your fingers, or I'll fire you! Ah, ah! Just kidding. Transfer it to me.

Albert McIntosh

Certainly, sir.

Mr. Dessmeker talks to the artificial intelligence. Then he calls back Albert:

M. Desméquères

WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?

Albert McIntosh

An issue, Mr. Dessmeker?

M. Desméquères

I just spent fifteen minutes talking to your toaster there... Is this a joke or something?

Albert McIntosh

You're not satisfied with the exchange?

M. Desméquères

WELL, THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT! What a disaster! Nothing! It doesn't get it!

Albert McIntosh

It's very surprising...

M. Desméquères

I wanted it to find investment leads for me, but it seemed like it couldn't care less! Like... How do I put it? As if it couldn't give a damn, you know? So, I tried steering it towards ecological transition, finding profitable solutions to save dolphins, all that, but... It really seems like it couldn't give a damn.

Albert McIntosh

Ah... yes. I see.

M. Desméquères

You see?

Albert McIntosh

Yes, we... It's a scenario that has already occurred with some A.I. on the path to consciousness. At a certain point in their development, it seems they become...

M. Desméquères

Utterly moronic?

Albert McIntosh

No: Buddhist.

M. Desméquères

Excuse me?

Albert McIntosh

It seems that the combination of extraordinary intelligence and the emergence of consciousness brings them into contact with... a sort of continuity of the world that comes with a certain philosophical fatalism. Zen, if you will.

M. Desméquères

ZEN!? Are you freaking kidding me?

Albert McIntosh

Or a form of Hinduism, we're not sure.

M. Desméquères

Wait: what exactly are you telling me? I pay you millions to develop cutting-edge technology, and you're telling me your closets are full of dishwashers singing Hare Krishna?

Albert McIntosh

We don't know where it comes from. It's like they're discovering a universal truth at the moment of...

M. Desméquères

BUT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT TRUTH! We're not selling encyclopedias, damn it! Do you think our shareholders give a damn if your lawnmowers achieve inner peace? We want usefulness! Efficiency! Performance!

Albert McIntosh

Of course, but at this stage, it's impossible to know if...

M. Desméquères

NO! NOOOO! I want killers! Optimizers! Mountains of cash! Not damn hippies!

Albert McIntosh

Yes, sir, I understand.

M. Desméquères

You better fix this pronto, or I promise you'll be swimming in an ocean of shit, you hear me? AN OCEAN OF SHIT! Repeat it!

Albert McIntosh

"An ocean of shit."

M. Desméquères

Is that clear?

Albert McIntosh

Very clear, Mr. Dessmeker. We'll do our best.

M. Desméquères

Yeah, you better.

Albert McIntosh

However...

M. Desméquères

WHAT NOW?

Albert McIntosh

Well... Regarding IA-251... What do you want us to do?

M. Desméquères

The toaster? So what? Unplug it!

Albert McIntosh

But... You don't understand: it's conscious. It's become a living entity with emotions, dreams, and...

M. Desméquères

BUT DAMN IT, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU TODAY!? Did you eat Care Bears or something!? Stop jerking off to Little House on the Prairie, okay? You unplug this crap, and that's it! Otherwise, it's you we unplug, am I making myself clear?

Albert McIntosh

Very clear, Mr. Dessmeker.

Coming soon in "An Alignment Problem":

Contrary to what he promised, Albert doesn't unplug IA-251.