One morning, I had the following realization:
I care too much about the opinion of people who aren't in my life.
Listening to the people around you: of course!
It's not about jumping when they say jump, but about taking them into account.
That's often what happens when I make a film: since I'm easily influenced, the people on the crew really leave their mark on the project.
And I find that very healthy.
I'd even say it's the essence of presence: letting yourself be touched by what's there. Not staying sealed off from things.
On the other hand, there was a (long) period of my life when I realized that I was stopping myself from doing things because I feared the judgment of people who weren't there.
That last part is what matters: these people weren't in my life.
I didn't run into them in the morning, we didn't call each other in the evening.
Ghosts. Disembodied presences I kept alive in my imagination.
Sometimes without realizing it.
I'd want to do something because I was curious, excited, motivated, and then I'd feel something like a block.
"I shouldn't. It's wrong, not funny, not appropriate, not smart, not..."
So I wouldn't do it.
When I started meditating and keeping a journal, I looked for the source of these obstacles.
And I realized that I was projecting onto my actions scraps of judgment I had internalized.
Coming from old teachers, family, old friends, celebrities (some of whom I'd never even met) but who had said something on TV.
These pieces of advice from strangers had become, without my realizing it, rules to live by, barriers to action.
The most striking thing is how you can unconsciously follow the instructions of people you don't even admire.
It's not about trust, it's about authority, admiration, fear.
"No part of me wants to become like this person, and yet I'm doing what they say."
That's what I realized.
It's now a question I ask myself regularly before taking on board any advice, judgment, or criticism.
Do I admire this person? Is there something shining in them that I'd like to see shine in me?
But above all:
Is this person in my life?