At some point, I'll still have to get my fucking movies on my fucking website.
Because you see: I'm a director. So I make fucking movies.
And to promote those fucking movies, I have a fucking website.
And it still doesn't seem aberrant to me to want to put my fucking movies on my fucking website but - for some reason that I really don't give a shit about explaining - I can't do it, for fuck's sake.
I'm aware that the previous passage may sound a bit vulgar.
But actually, it's not. That's because you're not familiar with the rules that govern when one is allowed to swear and when one is not.
For example, I'm allowed to talk about "my fucking movies" because:
Rule #1:You're allowed to swear when you're talking about your own work.
I would never say that about your work. I wouldn't allow myself. Unless it's objectively crap, in which case the following rule applies:
Rule #2: It's okay to swear when talking about other people's work if it's objectively crap.
This is a slippery slope, you might say. After all, how do you know if a work is objectively crappy? How do we know it's not a personal judgment? Simple: call me and I'll tell you. (Spoiler: 99% of everything is crap.)
Same thing: I'm allowed to talk about "my fucking site" because:
Rule #3: We're allowed to swear about technology when it doesn't work.
But we have to be careful because:
Rule #4: It is wrong to swear at nature.
For example, it is wrong to insult an infant, a tree or a puppy. On the other hand, I am allowed to say that the seagull that shat on me the day before yesterday is an asshole because:
Rule #5: It's okay to swear at nature when it shits on you.
Besides, I don't consider "asshole" to be inherently a bad word. To me, an asshole is someone who is neither you nor me when we're talking together. So when you talk about me in my absence, I don't mind if you say:
"Did you read the other asshole's blog? That's some serious shit."
And so, under the rules stated above, you will agree with me that there is absolutely nothing vulgar about the above sentence. Especially if shit on you - which I do.
